Three days short of a year since I popped into view. Wowzas! Rather than look back, here’s the now-news: I have Lyme. Fortunately, I don’t have migraines, extreme joint pain, or worse. What I do have, however, is a debilitating fatigue and ‘brain fog.’ Although I’ve heard that term before, I never knew what it meant. Now, it’s making me mental. The best way I can describe it is feeling that I’m in limbo—that place that is neither here nor there.
Of course, I didn’t do much to adjust my pace. I also assumed the anti-biotics would put me back on my feet pronto. Wishful thinking. Then I decided to be an adult and rest. I’d go to The Shack–our Air BnB cabin half a km away–and sleep/read/sleep for a few days. First, I’d celebrate my 80th birthday. Mind you, I treated it as any other day, albeit with several perks. Topping off the day, Barrie made his amazing meatloaf dinner (by request) and, later that evening, I headed over to The Shack.
The night was spit-polish black but I had a 350-watt headlamp and a walky-talky to let Barrie know when I arrived. Smooth sailing. And I slept like a fish as Margo would say when she was shorter than the fish tank hoisted on a bench in our living room at the farm. She loved watching fish suspended in the water. Sleeping.
The next morning, over my first cuppa, as I watched auburn oak leaves dance in the wind, it hit me. Turning eighty was a big deal. Dammit, I turned eighty! EIGHTY! I felt both an enormous amount of gratitude for the life I’ve been privileged to live—laced with a dose of fear that time is running out.
Then the question popped up: what will you do with the time remaining Sandra?
Who knows? I don’t think it’s the amount of time that’s important; could be two more years or twenty. I never predetermine the number of words I write in a story. (Well, it used to be predetermined for me when I wrote for magazines or newspapers. But now, writing personal essays, each story dictates its own form and length.)
While writing a story, I devote a lot of time to structure. This is how I discover the way to present a tale as best as I can, then I weave in a number of elements based on the most important of the most important. Now, as I head outta dodge on the timeline of life, I need to give some thought to how I structure my life, living my own story as best I can.
Seems like a new journey is about to begin.
